I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:
I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.
I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.
I will fore-swear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls.
Also, I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:
• Social Security • Medicare/Medicaid • State Children's Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP) • Police, Fire, and Emergency Services • US Postal Service • Roads and Highways • Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA) • The US Railway System • Public Subways and Metro Systems • Public Bus and Light Rail Systems • Rest Areas on Highways • Sidewalks • All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations) • Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, garden sprinkler) • Public and State Universities and Colleges • Public Primary and Secondary Schools • Sesame Street • Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children • Public Museums • Libraries • Public Parks and Beaches • State and National Parks • Public Zoos • Unemployment Insurance • Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services • Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them) • Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them) • Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions) • Use of the Internet, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking • Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies • Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies • If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care • I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C. • I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to:
* Smithsonian Museums, eg. the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History * The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments * The government-operated Statue of Liberty * The Grand Canyon * The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials * The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery * All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in DC
• I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare. • I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America. • I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army. • I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees. • Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks. • Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.
SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS _____ DAY OF __________ IN THE YEAR _______ of Our Lord, Jesus Christ.