Monday, January 19, 2009

Is there more to Life then just this?

After yesterdays' post I thought long and hard to continue this discussion (Is it a discussion if it is just me, and the committee in my head?) about my quilt analogy. The quilt that represents my life, the good, the bad and the ugly is tattered, and at times it seems even unrepairable. I'm at a crossroads, and I don't know which way to go, I am at a quandary in my life.

I go and visit my shrink on Wednesday, and I'll talk about my epiphany. Actually it didn't happen in one moment, and probably not even an epiphany, but more of a self awareness, although it was a process, and it is ongoing. I am hardest on myself, but I also give myself a lot of free passes, rationalizing and justifying my behavior, actions, thoughts, attitudes and sarcasm.

For years I have always taken the easier, softer way and for many reasons. Mainly though, looking back, it was because I had a lack of self confidence, self esteem, self respect nor a positive sense of self. Why this happened has always been a big question mark, as nothing monumental sticks out in my mind at this time, but I will continue to ponder that question...

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