There comes a time to re-evaluate ones' self, an inventory that goes deep into one's soul and being. I use to think I did that on a regular basis, and to some extent I did, all be it a half-assed effort, but the question now is, was and is it thorough? The simple answer is No! The solution is not that simple, but I will truly give it my best shot. That sounds so cliche', what the hell does "I'll give it my best shot" mean? Life is like a quilt, and not like "Ring Toss" at the carnival. I am a mixture of many pieces, but the problem is this quilt was put together by a drunk, and it is really fucked up, even after washing, cleaning and drying it on the wash line. It's time I really took a serious look at the quilt, and start from square one.
Since I started this blogging thing, and not just here or at Open Salon, or LiveJournal or many others, I have basically covered two topics. The first being my brain tumor, which is a priority in my life at this time, and secondly all the things that others did to offend me. Yes, poor little ole' me got offend by a plethora of things, events, issues, people, businesses and on and on. I talked about being clean and sober for the last 5 1/2 years (Which I have been for the most part.) on one hand, and how something or someone or some whatever offended me. There wasn't much spirituality there, and I was a complete contradiction of the whole spirituality mantra that I was espousing, promoting and falsely claiming to be me. I was a fraud and I am flawed, yet everyone, I think everyone, bought into my scam and facade because I could talk a good talk. I had decades of practice because I am an alcoholic. This quilt that was suppose to be my life was just a big pile of dirty rags.
No comments:
Post a Comment